Journey of the Messenger | Wisdom for Studenthood

So what sustains you can also undo you. So as I look at your beautiful faces I think, you’re free and that is why you suffer. I’m joined, so I’m free from much of that suffering now.

Yes, so I recall when I was getting treatment and afterwards, I was so incapacitated I couldn’t read, I couldn’t even listen to things and so what I would do is I would just sit up in bed for hours at a time … being with the experience. It was so uncomfortable. And I just had to wait ‘till I got better.

The things of this nature, you know, if they don’t kill you, they will make you better. Or they break you down. But they can make you better. So, I feel I became much stronger, fearless, more compassionate, more emotive, everything, particularly during the second round because it was so intense. And as soon as I was able, I began to resume my exercise program. I began to work, whatever I could do—just recite things—and just have Patricia or Darlene or someone just write things down and record me.

Even when I was in ICU, I was receiving a teaching which I’ll share with you someday. But I remember it.

I have to tell you this story, it’s so, it’s so amazing. The night I got diagnosed, or the day I got diagnosed, was the night we were going to present Life in the Universe, a weekend event, people coming from all over. And the only person who knew was my wife and Darlene and Ana Burrows. And I had to do that event. That was a Friday—the weekend. Tuesday morning I was in surgery. Like, “The surgery needs to happen; you have stage four disease. You’ve got to do this right now.”

Friday night I went to the Assembly, like, “I need to know something…” so…”what does this mean?” I, like, prayed. There’s prayer and then there’s, like, really praying. (laughter) I was praying. (more laughter) I, even demanding. Here’s what They said, “Ah, you’ll be alright.” That was it.

Now, the first event in my life back in 2000, I learned this recently, They actually thought I was going to die. And They would never say something like that to me. But at that point was a turning point because that is when They said We will speak and the world will hear Our Voice. Before that, that was not allowed, in keeping with the tradition of the Messengers that those who guide them remain in the background. That was what I was being prepared for. But circumstances and demands became too great and they overtook my health eventually, and seriously endangered my wife, Patricia, as well.

So, at that point in 2000, or shortly thereafter, They said, We will speak and you will represent Us. Now this almost never happens. And the reason it never happens is because for the Messenger, it increases the Messenger’s risk tremendously—and burden, and responsibility, and… So I won’t go any further with that. But it became necessary at that point.

And you hear the Voice of Revelation today because that change had to be made; that was Plan B. And it’s a wonderful thing and has increased the burden for me significantly. Because, traditionally, the Messenger gives the basic teaching to the world and maintains the advanced Teaching only for the adept. In this case, the whole thing is being given to the world. And if you know anything about the world, the greater the wisdom, the greater the threat. The greater the authority, the greater the threat.

So, I have a few things I’d like to share with you tonight about my journey, and then I have some things I’d like to share with you about studenthood. So we have this wonderful time together.

My journey has been long and demanding and mysterious. Those who know not of the Mystery will not understand it; the world will not understand it. Therefore, do not speak of these things to those who do not understand or you’ll be very discouraged. You have to learn to become discreet and discerning about such matters. When I hear about people talking about their guidance and insight over in the café, I cringe because I know they are losing everything that was given to them. They’re digging up the seed before it has even sprouted and taken root within them and thrown it away.

Safeguard the Mystery within you so that it may grow, gain strength. So for those 18 years, I had to keep a secret of what I was receiving, who it was coming from. Only a few people who were very, very close to me knew—including a vast array of Teachings that still have not seen the light of day. I just haven’t gotten to them yet…and some of them will never see the light of day. There was important guidance given to me, certainly, along the way, sometimes in floods, sometimes very incrementally.

But what really strengthened me was that I had to rely upon Knowledge to keep me going. This is why it is the most important thing. Without that, you may have insights but you cannot follow them. You cannot live them or embody them. You cannot go where they may be directing you to go. It’s the response within you that has to become really strong.

So, looking back, clearly, the presence was with me in discernable ways and in mysterious and secretive ways. But I still went through long periods where I couldn’t feel it or hear it or it was withheld from me…to see if the response could grow on its own accord within me, see?

I’m giving this to you; I really want you to hear what I’m saying. OK. You cannot base your life on guidance. It’s not guidance that will get you up this mountain or take you where you really need to go. It can only point the way, give clarification. Something else in you has to be the engine of change and it grows so big that it can actually drive you beyond your will, your fears, the admonition of others, seeking approval, being secure and safe.

That picture of me, you saw that picture of me in the car? I was taking my family on a mission I knew absolutely nothing, what it was for, what was gonna happen, uprooted all our security—what little we had at that time—to go on one of these missions abroad, in this country, but that would prove important for me in the long run, but very hard to understand in the moment. Guidance, no explanation. You don’t get a manual to explain how it, why you just get the directive.

I was tested constantly without fully knowing what this was or where it would take me and my young family. So for 18 years, I followed this invisible light, and as I did so Revelation came. And then there’d be dry periods and then it would come. Meanwhile, I’m relocating all over the country, and…here we are.

And when we came here, in Colorado, I was not guided to come here. I had to go find the place myself because if you’re guided you don’t take any responsibility for your actions. You’re not accountable for what happens. You’re not responsible for the consequences. You feel victimized when things get hard or don’t work out. So, I had to go find this place. It’s a really important…I had to be responsible for what happened or didn’t happen, what worked out or didn’t work out, how hard it was…that’s what we’re talking about.

The Assembly wanted to make sure I could receive this Revelation and carry it into the future, and that my family could go with me so we were all being tested. So you could ask yourself, “Am I being tested in what I’m dealing with right now, or any uncertainty I might have right now? With the anticipation, am I being tested?” I won’t say yes or no. I mean, that’s your question to be with.

I did rely on the stability of those closest to me: my wife, Patricia; later my son, Reed; Darleen Mitchell, a couple of other people who were just with me the whole way. And many others couldn’t stay with me. Their trust and faith ran out or they had other things they wanted to do that were prevailing. So many people fell away, couldn’t stay.

So eventually, people came to take their place in The Society. Others came to be assistants and volunteers to what we have today. And I want you to know that has given me strength and great relief. To carry this, so much on my shoulders, on the shoulders of myself and Patricia and one or two other people and then the early Society was tremendously hard. So, thank you for that, everyone who gives and serves here.

I’m going to share with you some wisdom now. I’ll try to do this succinctly. These are just a few things that I hear in people that I know are problematic and I wanted to bring them up. There are many more. But given this evening, I’ll just mention briefly a few of them. And I give these to you to save you time and perhaps dispel things that could lead to misunderstanding. Yeah.

OK. Some people say that they and the community are watched over by Teachers at all times. Think for a moment to see if you have believed this to be true, because it isn’t true. The Assembly’s not always watching you, and you’re on your own a great deal of the time. It’s only when you begin the Return, that turning point in your life where you begin the possibility, the promise of engaging with the strength of Knowledge within you, that you are watched much more carefully, that your life now becomes more consequential. Because without Knowledge people are living haphazard lives, making fateful and unwise decisions constantly, everything we see in the world today. Perhaps in that case Someone may check in on you once in a while, but, you’re out of control; you’re lost. Can’t guide someone who’s lost. Really.

In the early Teachings, it said we’re like country doctors. We have a huge span of countryside to cover, lots of patients; there’s only a few of us. The harvest is plentiful; the laborers are few. So nobody has time to watch over you…until you have this turning point. And then slowly, if you begin to really make progress, watchers can be assigned to you.

Some people say that being of God, it’s impossible for the New Message to fail, that we are divinely guided, this can only be successful. In fact, it is very possible for us to fail. In the early years, we were failing; we were facing the possibility of failing all the time. So we had very little resources. The Teaching was too big to deliver, all of it. And it was a constant problem for us. Failure may not be an option, but it’s always a possibility. And going forward, one of the things that will motivate you is failure, particularly if you feel you cannot fail or failure’s not an option. That will really motivate you.

I said to my son and he reminded me of this and I wrote it down (reads) “It’s important to know what failure would be for you, to keep in view those things that could cause you to fail instead of being blindsided by them someday, thinking you are invincible or immune from risk. You must acknowledge the risks. Failure is real and happens all the time.”

Some people claim that everything happens for a reason. Yet, in fact, struggle, confusion, chaos, breakdown, mishap is part of life. Walk through an adolescent or pediatric cancer ward and tell me everything’s for a reason—utterly heartless to think such things.

Many things happen that are not meant to happen. Even God’s plans fail. Even those who serve God’s plans fail, some of them terribly. Failure is always a risk. Failure is not meant to happen except in certain cases. Then it’s beneficial in certain cases. This claim, like many other claims like it, is really a cover for fear and uncertainty, an inability to deal with an uncertain, hazardous and unpredictable world. It’s mental weakness. Do not think such things.

The New Message says anything can happen to you at any time. Be alert. Be watchful. Be careful—not fearful—careful. Like the man crossing the winter stream, the Tao Te Ching says. That’s how to be in life. Like the man crossing the winter stream. Living in Separation is not a state of harmony, but a state of confusion, chaos and chance.

To think it is all in balance represents a confusion of levels. This is not your Ancient Home. The Angels are not by your side at all times, guiding and protecting you. That’s why Knowledge is so important. The Lord of the universe is not engaged with you in this manner. That’s why Knowledge has been given to you. Very intelligent. Hmm….

Think of the Teaching in “The Sacred,” the Teaching in “The Sacred”? It’s one of the teachings in the New Message called “The Sacred.” Given in Esfahan, I believe, Iran? “The Sacred”? Yes?
Where it says hold nothing to be sacred that is destructible—anything that can be destroyed, collapse, decayed. Hold nothing to be sacred that can be destroyed, for the sacred is immortal and invincible and lives within you. This is where the error of religion becomes quite apparent.

So the intention, the great intention runs through you like a Golden Thread amongst the coarse material of your experience of your life. The Golden Thread is what’s really important. Understand this and you’ll learn to become fearless, increasingly fearless. Then ultimately your only concern is that you may fail your mission. And that’s a real concern. But nothing else can ultimately be defended.

I have a few other things to say to you. I’m taking this very slow because I want you to know. That’s a pun. (laughter) You are now beginning a greater journey, a journey not of your own making. But you must prepare the way for this journey, and you must recognize it and learn to follow it—not just once, but repeatedly. The journey will be long if it is real, because great truth, great relationships and great accomplishments do not all come at once. So be patient. Be present. Tend to what needs to be attended to now. Do not ask for more or you will be overwhelmed.

In the Secrets it says:

There is impatience amongst you. Yet I assure you that the first step will seem like too much.”

Now, this is not a golden bridge that is being laid out before you; it’s a bridge you must build. Heaven will help you, but you must build it. This is what restores to you strength, integrity, purpose, unity, compassion, determination—all these things. They can’t simply be bestowed upon you. There will need to be a great deal of relinquishment because there’s so much in you that’s not you. Or that is not helpful or needed in the real journey you have to take. People, places and things. Ideas. Beliefs. Convictions. Adamancy. Not just tangible things, it’s internal things as well.

Each stage has little to do with the next stage. Here you continue to enter new territory; you cannot build upon the past. You cannot build upon the past.

One of the reasons we took these mysterious journeys, everyone was like a new journey and I couldn’t…the only thing I could say is, “I’ve done this before. And it was OK—scary as hell, but OK.” You’re always entering new territory. As soon as you outgrow one room you have to enter a bigger room. Then you outgrow that room, you have to enter a bigger room. It’s not the same room you were just in, that you become used to and can navigate. Now you’re in a bigger room that you don’t know anything about.

You graduate from this world, you’re a beginner in the identities of the universe, Wisdom tells us. Wow. Phew.

Be careful about using spirituality to justify your past, thinking it was all perfect; it was all meaningful. It was all intended. Fact is, you’ve wasted a lot of your life. And if you’re honest with yourself you have to face that. It’s part of one of the reasons why people will not change is they do not want to face the pain of this realization that “I’ve been wasting my life and time.” So to avoid that pain, they will continue to invest in their current existence even though it is unfulfilling and painful to them. And the longer you wait, the harder it is to face that pain and that regret. But you must face it. It’s important.

This is what it means to build the bridge to a new life, things of this nature.

Share this prayer with me:

I pray that I may have the courage, wisdom and strength to proceed. I pray that I may have the courage, wisdom and strength to proceed. I pray that I will succeed in what I am being tested in now. Heaven needs to know that I can be reliable, trusted and consistent, reliable, trusted, and consistent. Let me use these times and my circumstances to build great strength, for Heaven needs this great strength to grow in me.  Nasi Novare Coram.”