Relationships, Romance and the Need for Connection
Watch the Messenger speak, Jan 1, 2019.
I think in Separation we try to replace what we’ve lost through being highly enamored or consumed by a relationship with a person. We can also be consumed by relationship with a place or with certain kinds of possessions or hobbies or interests. I mean, we’re trying to find that union that we’ve lost living in Separation.
So the need is tremendous; it’s a very powerful need. And then we have a biological need to mate and to reproduce. So that’s wired into our system, too.
But the fundamental work is to bring your worldly mind and Knowledge back into relationship together in the proper coordination that they have. And that’s a long journey because…And one of the reasons it’s a long journey is because of the distraction of other relationships. So it’s not the kind of work that most young people set out to do.
And of course culture is promoting romance just immensely because so much commerce is dependent upon it. It’s commerce. It sells romance. It’s romance that sells commerce. It’s all the things they want you to think you need that you don’t really need, at least not now—or maybe never.
And then there’s what your design is really for. I mean, we’re remade by being in the world into something that we’re not. But then what your design is really for is a big factor. What you’re really meant to do, who you’re meant…where you’re meant to connect determines when and what kind of relationship might really be appropriate for you. These are things that we don’t know about, so we’re running blind down here on Earth.
So when you begin Steps to Knowledge, you begin to stop running blind. That can take quite a while to unwire that, to slow that down or begin to change course.
So this is why RHP [Relationships and Higher Purpose] is an advanced teaching and why I generally don’t teach it. I may present something to an individual. Sometimes I’ll say things to young people because there’s some really great teachings about relationships for young people. Love and Relationships is one of them, the New Message for Young People—these are really important. But they require restraint.
People think freedom is about being unrestrained. No. Freedom is about being restrained so you can be free to do the things that really matter. But you have to be restrained from doing the things that don’t really matter to be able to move in that direction.
So as Reed said, this is really where I think our insanity becomes most evident is in trying to reconnect because we’ve lost the connection with whatever we see around us: people, places, things. So, it says, “Go ahead, marry the beautiful face. Go ahead, move to the beautiful place.” Fool. It doesn’t say fool, but it’s kind of in that vein, you know? It’s like, “Go ahead, sure. Go ahead, do it.” Yeah, right. I added the fool part. No, but that’s, you know…we’re lost.
So we’re trying to anchor on to anything that can abate this feeling of being adrift, disassociated.
It’s a tragic situation. I mean Separation is basically a tragedy. But we’re free to live out the tragedy because we were made to be free. And if we want something different for our Ancient Home, something different was created. And you can be there and you can become an isolated, somewhat self-determining individual who’s at the behest of your environment and other individuals who are trying to be individuals.
It’s tragic. It’s sad. It’s tragic, but it is the condition of Separation. It’s quite something to unravel that, but once you do, you find things you never could find otherwise. And you find people you could never find otherwise. And you find purpose you could…not like you have to go the whole way and be ultimately enlightened by this. No, you don’t.
You just have to get on the path that’s your path and focus on that because it’s…Real relationships come later, I mean, based on how far you go with yourself. What the New Message says, real relationships will come to me when I’m prepared. That’s a step in Steps to Knowledge. It may not come for 10 years. Can you wait 10 years? Yeah. Or it may never come the way you thought it was gonna come or in the form you thought it was gonna come. But to sacrifice your true direction in life for a relationship is a real betrayal and will lead to dissociation, low self-esteem and heartbreak.
It’s a tough…you know, getting out of Hell is not easy. By the way, the New Message describes Hell as a beautiful place where you can never be happy—the upper parts of Hell, like the Beverly Hills of Hell. Then there’s the tenements, the bottom, lower realms of Hell, which are more hellish—obviously hellish—and everything in between.
But we’ve all been saved because Knowledge lives within us. And it’s the return to that that makes all the difference. That is your core relationship, even more core than your relationship with God because that is where your relation with God lives, already there—no Hell and damnation. God’s gonna save everyone in the end because you can never separate totally from God.
I mean it’s so brilliantly simple and yet it’s confoundingly mysterious because we don’t know how it works. But everything that religion teaches that has been misconstrued begins to go through a rapid correction here.
Hell is a beautiful place where you can never be happy. That’s a seed of Wisdom. If you plant it inside yourself it actually might reveal its truth to you and you’ll look on the world much more compassionately and understand that it’s a….
In order to be different from our Ancient Home, it had to have all the qualities our Ancient Home doesn’t have, right? Like impermanence and disassociation and isolation and competition and survival. Here we are in Separation. We have no assurance of survival. We’re not gonna survive, actually. We’re facing an environment of ever-changing and unpredictable challenges and threats. The world around us is in turmoil, much of it—human beings, constantly. And we’re trying to find solace in one another, but they’re in turmoil, too. So I guess you try to unite your turmoils together in some kind of compassionate way.
But there is a turning point where you can begin to understand what the world is. But, you know, we have to learn to stop running blind—being driven and compulsive and easily persuaded, dutiful—but in an unhealthy way—to others, belligerent, partisan. It’s just…wow. It’s the crown of thorns we wear right there.
And yet here we are. We’re not alone. Grace is with us. Purpose is with us if we could be with it. Direction is with us if we can follow that. I mean we’re being given what everybody’s looking for out there, pretty hopelessly.
This is the blessing.
On the light-hearted side……
“you try to unite your turmoils together” (o-o-obie doo ) “in some kind of compassionate way” (o-o-bie doo) So funny but so soberly true Marshall. I think that this line could end up in a very good song someday.
I heard that “So deep are your valleys, high will your mountains be” as a consolation to those suffering the lows in life. The inverse has been true for me when “getting high” on another. When I’m getting kicks from an attraction, particularly when and maybe even ONLY WHEN ACTING ON IT……. yikes! Because “So high are THESE mountains, deep will your valleys be!” This can be and has been for me one of the most persistent, costly and painful lessons to learn. Out of all of the truths (and perhaps some untruths) contained in “A course in Miracles”, the pages on “The special Relationship” state that it is the ego’s prize jewel and last to be relinquished in the trek out of the life lived as separate. Those chapters also echo the NM about pain and suffering that is inevitably the result. It’s nice while going in to become someone’s “special”, but it will be one hell of a ride getting out with major crashes along the way.
Restraint doesn’t need though, to take the all of the enjoyment out of being a healthy man or woman human being. The enjoyment of the beauty and natural twinges that happen with others are a sign of life. (Star Trek: “Captain I think there’s life down there.”)
An excitement, acknowledgement of beauty or even a fun flirt, with the clear understanding that there is only honor with no intention of “capture” involved, is a wonderful fringe benefit of being here that I hope will never be purged from the human experience. It is the too much acting out and communicating that lets the devil out so to say.
If anyone ever needs clarity on this before jumping in with both feet, talk to me or any of my 4 wives first.
The Blessing
So grateful for your sharing this, Marshall. Thank you for the wisdom and clarity you bring. It is rare and so needed. Candid, important, touching.
“And yet here we are. We’re not alone. Grace is with us. Purpose is with us if we could be with it. Direction is with us if we can follow that. I mean we’re being given what everybody’s looking for out there, pretty hopelessly.
This is the blessing.” Thank you, Marshall.
Thank you Marshall for sharing this. What stood out for me was Restraint and waiting as we develop our relationship with Knowledge.
“Can you wait 10 years?” How can we not wait when we don’t understand where Knowledge is taking us. I do know it’s beyond my intellectual understanding, and that I can only prepare as I wait. I am grateful for these greater understandings. Your demonstration of waiting all these years it’s what gives me the ability to wait. Blessings to you.
Our greatest Relationship is to and with Knowledge. For it Knows our purpose and our Relationships of purpose.
Marshall your teaching reminded me of a chapter in Greater Community Spirituality that struck me long ago, titled “Whom Will you Meet.” I went back and re-read it again recently. It presents a clear and important perspective of these relationships of destiny and higher purpose that you speak of. I would invite everyone to read this chapter to help bring this picture into this larger view.
https://www.newmessage.org/the-message/volume-2/greater-community-spirituality/whom-will-you-meet
Little by little this very important area of relationship becomes clearer. Perhaps it is the most difficult because it is the one I have most preference around and have been most protective of. I am grateful to see the truth that most of them have been compensation for the pain of being separated from God. And so I keep untangling these knots and freeing myself from relationships that have nothing to do with the purpose I have come for. I am freeing myself for the work I have come for and the true relationships awaiting me. Thank you Marshall for this important teaching.
Along my former life I tried to avoid most of the relationships because I felt they would cost me the deeper relationship with my inner guiding. This would most likely be relationships for approval, because of the great insecurety. Early in life I had the question in mind, ” How are people able to make decisions ? How can they really know what they want for themselves ? How can they know what is right ? ” This was really a mystery for me. Thank you, Marshall. Thank you, broadcastingteam.
Really a design that is quite beautiful and simple and accessible to all. It all comes back to practice, practice, practice/ preparation, preparation, preparation…as you stated Marshall: “What the New Message says, real relationships will come to me when I’m prepared.”…and the fact that the core relationship we are seeking is with Knowledge “BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE YOUR RELATION WITH GOD LIVES”…I feel your call Marshall to engage in real relationships of Higher purpose, and to do so we must first be in relationship with Knowledge within us and within eachother. Thankyou broadcast team, and all who service this WWC website for making these precious and intimate teachings that come after the broadcasts, available to students not blessed with the privilege of being in the room with Marshall.
Thank You Marshall for this teaching. I now realize I need to focus on this path in front of me and take it as far as I must. This will determine the true relationships that will assist me in fulfilling my purpose for being here in the world at this time.
4 years ago, after reading ‘ love and relationship’, I was shocked to meet the New message from God.
Now, of course, this is a tough journey, but because of STK’s grace, I’m making small strides.
Thank you so much, Marshall . Nasi novare coram !
As I look back on the many attempts of obtaining “happiness” in my life, and being disappointed by it’s short stay, the impact of learning the true meaning of hell brings much clarity. I am so grateful for the path given through The Steps to Knowledge for giving me the path to find that core relationship with God. Thank you Marshall
Thank you Marshall for this! To come to truly know who we need and must be with runs deep within us all. You are helping us find our way in finding this along with STK. What else could we possibly “want” more than this. Nasi Novare Coram
Perhaps 6-7 years ago I was house sitting for a friend in the boonies of New Mexico for a few weeks. During that time I read, marked, underlined and tabbed Marshall’s book on Relationships and Higher Purpose, as well as Living the Way of Knowledge.
I have since re-read and studied them both off and on. What I came to understand as core, which for me was difficult at the time, was the necessity to seriously clean up our lives and relationships on ALL levels, so that we are truly available to respond to clear and higher callings when they knock on our door. What can be difficult, and it was for me, was the realization that I was responsible for my elderly mother and her care, and that often our relationships in which people rely on us can determine the extent to which we are available or not for connections with those with whom we are meant to be out in the world with, our embodied spiritual family. I remain grateful that I served her ending years with dignity and care, and have realized a profound shift in my inner availability since her passing. No small thing, and maturing with the days and months.
Much of what Marshall has written about and teaches takes time in maturation and integration of the material. Day by day, with persistence, even small steps can provide an efficiency that gains momentum. Going within, listening within, hearing, seeing, and knowing within, being available from within, is the key. As always, deep appreciation for Guidance/encouragement from Marshall as his presence and work radiate out into the world. We all are blessed that Knowledge found us in these times, now.
Good to meet you here, Connor.
The hardest is to begin with the first link to Knowledge, after which naturally the other primary relationships will appear when we are quite ready to receive them, to recognize them and to accept them as what they are, to find out our greater purpose, and to relieve suffering to us and others, for we have not been and will not be truly separated from God,this is what the New Message says.
Thank you very much, for this teaching, Marshall.
I am so very grateful for your sharing this understanding Marshall. Thank you.
I am so grateful to come to The New Message later in life. I have been fortunate enough to experience deep unconditional love in my lifetime. Even having that level of love and devotion with another was not enough to quell the longing of my soul. Being alone to devote my life to studying The New Message and build my relationship to Knowledge, The Messenger, and my fellow students is a tremendous gift.
Thank you dearest Messenger for bringing the Pathway out of Separation.
I echo what you write here, La Rae. It is the same for me. I am also grateful to come to the New Message later in life and I too have experienced (and still do) a relationship of devotion and unconditional love, a relationship of higher purpose. But, like you, I still feel a deep need for alone time to study and follow the promptings of my soul, the promptings that come from Knowledge. And I am so grateful to have the space in my relationship to do this. It is such a privilege to recognize all this now through the New Message and its teachings, recognize the traps of Separation and see the true path through the jungle.
Thank you Marshall and the Society for releasing this important teaching about relationships from Marshall. To me, this is always the most difficult and challenging area, yet so crucial to build and cultivate wisdom here to be able to succeed down on Earth. “RHP is an advanced teaching…” Such a clarification!
Thank you Marshall for this important perspective and teaching. It does seem that relationships can be at the heart of either our success or failure here. They do require great care and discernment all along the way, especially given that our first and most primary relationship is to Knowledge. And to correctly see all of our other relationships, we must first cultivate this primary relationship and maintain it in our daily awareness and focus.
That my relationship with Knowledge is more “core” than my relationship with God is my main takeaway here. Thank you, Marshall.